Tonight I felt something different. I felt a weight break off. I think I felt God. I know He has always been there. Knocking. Tapping, just doing what he can to get my attention. "I see you God, I just have to do this real quick, I'll be right back I promise".
I hardly ever came back. I was usually too busy, or so I told myself. God would wait patiently, knocking. But tonight I gave him my attention and the shame fell away. The sin was forgiven, I felt it... passion. It has been a re-occuring theme these past couple of days and it has been missing. I kept telling Elizabeth, something is off. I feel like something spiritual is attacking us. I prayed a running prayer, you know one of those, "God this is inconvenient for me do something" prayers. Something was definitely side tracking us.
Elizabeth told me today she wanted to go to Fuel. In my mind it sounded like we should go but immediately all of the excuses came as to why we shouldn't. I was tired, we had a busy day tomorrow, its so far out of the way. Its funny how little things become big things right before God does something big.
When we got there, I just had a good feeling, like God was going to meet us. Normally I feel like Fuel isn't for me because its designed for the teenagers. But tonight I put that behind me asked God to meet me. He did.
Fuel had just got back from Forward conference and I knew they were going to be amped up on that trip. I wanted what they had. I craved it, and could smell a sense of purpose. God was tapping and all the while I was slowly turning towards Him. Giving Him my attention now. Responding. Here I am Lord. I felt His passion, not just for myself but for all those kids in the room with me. They need Him. They want Him. And there are many out there who don't know Him. I know Him and how thankful I am that I do.
God you have given me a family that knows you and I know there are people out there who are not as fortunate. I am available if you want to use me to help them though I don't know how to help.
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